Packing for College

Sending that first child to college can be a pretty daunting task. I found this checklist last summer, and it was a helpful start in getting organized. I printed it and went over the list with Cal to determine any items he knew he would NOT use - no sense wasting my time and money. Then, as the summer progressed, I was able to accumulate the items on the list in an organized and budget-friendly fashion. I hope it helps you, too!

Making That College Match

“College is a match to be made, not a prize to be won.” I heard those wise words spoken at Elon University when we attended Parents Weekend, and I thought, “Yes!” This one phrase summarizes my purpose in beginning this blog and my fascination with the college-decision process. When all is said and done, I would like our four children, and every other student I know, to be able to say that they were in the right place.

So many factors go into that match. Does the school make the student feel welcome, challenged, involved, and inspired? This would be a match with the student’s personality. Are the parents able to afford this school, or is unimaginable debt being taken on by either the parents or the student? The importance of an economic match makes an impact for decades. Will the offerings at the school lead to a job for the student after four years? If you’ve matched the skills, interests and enthusiasm of the student with the majors, opportunities and networking capabilities at the school, chances are a job won’t be hard to find. Perfect matches also involve characteristics like climate, distance from home, and student priorities such as sports, school spirit, opportunities in the arts, studying abroad, etc…

As we reach that point in the process when students are making their final decision, this idea of a match becomes so important. Hopefully your student applied to schools that seemed like good matches and has gotten some acceptance letters already. Any day now those “big” schools will be sending their regular-decision letters, and several kinds of choices will have to be made. Do I choose the school with the excellent reputation that will be a stretch to afford? Do I stick with a school that has put me on a wait list or move forward with a school that’s offering me a place in their honors program? I have the distinction of being admitted to one of the top schools in the country, but do I really want to spend the next four years in my own backyard? There’s no right answer to any of these questions, and if you ask around, you’ll find happy college students who prioritized these decisions in opposite directions.

After years of earning great grades and filling schedules with as many activities as possible, it is hard to see college acceptances as anything but the ultimate reward for a job well-done. Did my student win first prize? Second place? Or the consolation prize in their safety school? This notion of college being a prize to be won is a natural consequence of the emphasis put on student success, often beginning as early as elementary school. But your college is not your soul mate, and it’s only four years of your life. So much of your happiness is determined by your outlook and your ability to maintain a positive attitude.

A friend who graduated from high school with Cal posted a beautiful piece on Facebook at the end of her first semester about how she did not expect to be happy at the school that was never her first choice. Her writing resonated with me not only because it described how surprised and lucky she felt to realize she is right where she belongs, but because she remembered the feelings she’d had one year before as a senior in high school. She wanted to use her own experience to reassure current seniors that even when your path does not lead where you expect, you should not regard this as a disappointment or failure. 

When it’s time to choose a college, I hope your student will open his or her eyes to new opportunities, let go of unreasonable expectations, and consider, “Where will I be happy waking up every day for the next four years?” Here are two pieces to read/watch heading toward that final decision. The first is a column from the NY Times this past week with more stories of students who took unexpected paths to college happiness (thanks, Denise Tennery) http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/15/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-how-to-survive-the-college-admissions-madness.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0. The second is an interesting perspective from Malcolm Gladwell in a talk to Google where he makes the case that you should not attend the best school that accepts you. My friend Jane Kulow pointed this out to me over a year ago. I found it helpful during this part of the decision process, so maybe you or your student will, too.