“College
is a match to be made, not a prize to be won.” I heard those wise words
spoken at Elon University when we attended Parents Weekend, and I
thought, “Yes!” This one phrase summarizes my purpose in beginning this
blog and my fascination with the college-decision process. When all is
said and done, I would like our four children, and every other student I
know, to be able to say that they were in the right place.
So
many factors go into that match. Does the school make the student feel
welcome, challenged, involved, and inspired? This would be a match with
the student’s personality. Are the parents able to afford this school,
or is unimaginable debt being taken on by either the parents or the
student? The importance of an economic match makes an impact for
decades. Will the offerings at the school lead to a job for the student
after four years? If you’ve matched the skills, interests and enthusiasm
of the student with the majors, opportunities and networking
capabilities at the school, chances are a job won’t be hard to find.
Perfect matches also involve characteristics like climate, distance from
home, and student priorities such as sports, school spirit,
opportunities in the arts, studying abroad, etc…
As
we reach that point in the process when students are making their final
decision, this idea of a match becomes so important. Hopefully your
student applied to schools that seemed like good matches and has gotten
some acceptance letters already. Any day now those “big” schools will be
sending their regular-decision letters, and several kinds of choices
will have to be made. Do I choose the school with the excellent
reputation that will be a stretch to afford? Do I stick with a school
that has put me on a wait list or move forward with a school that’s
offering me a place in their honors program? I have the distinction of
being admitted to one of the top schools in the country, but do I really
want to spend the next four years in my own backyard? There’s no right
answer to any of these questions, and if you ask around, you’ll find
happy college students who prioritized these decisions in opposite
directions.
After
years of earning great grades and filling schedules with as many
activities as possible, it is hard to see college acceptances as
anything but the ultimate reward for a job well-done. Did my student win
first prize? Second place? Or the consolation prize in their safety
school? This notion of college being a prize to be won is a natural
consequence of the emphasis put on student success, often beginning as
early as elementary school. But your college is not your soul mate, and
it’s only four years of your life. So much of your happiness is
determined by your outlook and your ability to maintain a positive
attitude.
A
friend who graduated from high school with Cal posted a beautiful piece
on Facebook at the end of her first semester about how she did not
expect to be happy at the school that was never her first choice. Her
writing resonated with me not only because it described how surprised
and lucky she felt to realize she is right where she belongs, but
because she remembered the feelings she’d had one year before as a
senior in high school. She wanted to use her own experience to reassure
current seniors that even when your path does not lead where you expect,
you should not regard this as a disappointment or failure.
When
it’s time to choose a college, I hope your student will open his or her eyes to new
opportunities, let go of unreasonable expectations, and consider, “Where
will I be happy waking up every day for the next four years?” Here are
two pieces to read/watch heading toward that final decision. The first is a column from the NY Times this past week with more
stories of students who took unexpected paths to college happiness
(thanks, Denise Tennery) http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/15/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-how-to-survive-the-college-admissions-madness.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0. The second is an interesting perspective from Malcolm Gladwell
in a talk to Google where he makes the case that you should not attend
the best school that accepts you. My friend Jane Kulow pointed this out
to me over a year ago. I found it helpful during this part of the
decision process, so maybe you or your student will, too.
